I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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