I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
