Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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