is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
