My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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