I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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