so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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