It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
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So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize