I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
