I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
