We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.