Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
seriously i just wanna be friends
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.