its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.