I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards