seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
