and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
