you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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