I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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