I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
