I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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