There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
