the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
