she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
