Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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