I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
should my penis look like a turkey
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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