have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize