I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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