five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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