just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
