we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
