Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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