tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize