He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
