i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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