i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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