i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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