5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
