I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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