Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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