hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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