i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize