She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
