A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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