Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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