I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
