Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize