I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I died a long time ago.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
