Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
