But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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