I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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