nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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