I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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