I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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